
Let’s take a look at the following story.
Adult M. and his kid S. presented themselves at the reception. M. stated prudently that S., who supposed to be in his trial class for MMA, left the class cos he felt short of breath due to his Asthma. The kid, slightly nervous and affected of his ½ hour MMA warming up experience, tripling in the background.
M. said it would be better to stop now and to take another class, stating or rather asking for a more gentle level or approach. (As if that is an option when you choose for MMA).
I said, the problem is not the short of breath, neither his Asthma. The problem is his fear that he experienced in the class, based upon the comparison he had made in regard to the others, and the lack of recognition, attention, guidance and presence of a father that doesn’t let his child withdraw because there is a bit of resistance.
M. stated that he was not the father of S. That he was his uncle and he tried to follow up on his education. I told him that it’s a brave and honorable intention (to take care of the education of a child that is not yours as a man!) but that the principle behind his withdraw from the class and his take on Asthma remained the same.
I said, there are two options.
One is, you let him withdraw of the class and he remains the same kid, with the same behavior and the same problems. Withdrawing because he has fear on his experience in the class or the interpretation that he gave it for himself. He will not learn anything, not about MMA, but above all, not about himself.
The other option is, you face your fear. And the moment I made the gesture with my hands of the second option in my explanation on fear, the kid took a step back, inhaled as if he had been keeping his breath for 5 min., gasping for air. And there it was. His nervous behavior when entering and the insight of my explanation made his fear collapsing and his longs opened.
With this I just want to state that Asthma is not an illness, regardless of what the medical world is telling you, or what you (with your limited) interpretation wants to believe about it. Asthma is a fear based symptom, rooted in fear. The individual constrains his long muscles because of his perception on his actions, the lack of confidence, self-worth, parental recognition and confirmation in his education and the necessary presence to offer structure and guidance on the path of his development in order to become someone, attaining his goals of realizing his potentials.
If you look at the medication (puffer) of an Asthma patient, it contains all muscle relaxing substances, who take over what should actually be recognized, the fear that is blocking him. It’s your choice as a parent, to stick to your believes and have your kid settled up for his whole life on medication and limiting his potentials, or seeing what is really going on, digging into the reality of the problem and healing. Anyway, a puffer, or any medication of that matter, is only treating the symptoms. They fade, for the moment, but are popping up as soon as the individual is challenged with another situation he’s fearful about. There is no healing in that, there's only sustaining.
A boy, and thus a man, is made by the challenges in his life. The steps that he takes in making things happening, in manifesting, in making something, in realizing. It forms him, it makes him grow in who he is. He gets self-worth and confirmation out of it. Every withdraw leads to doubt, fear and loss of confidence in both boys and men.
M. asked “what he should do”?
I replied, if he was my son. I would send him right away back into the class, and face reality. It was his choice to go for MMA, so he has to pursue it. Not giving up the moment there is an inconvenience or discomfort. I know, it is hard to do that, certainly in a society that is characterized by it.
M. said, “I think I also need this kind of coaching”.
I replied, that might be. (thinking he certainly would, otherwise he would never have come to the counter with his situation and S. would be having an MMA class).
And, which was ultimately confirmed as I saw them siting 20 minutes later on the bench in the waiting room. He had abandoned the MMA class!
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